


One Drunken Night

by spaceorphan



Series: sketches and prompt fills [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: Drunken Shenanigans, Ficlet, M/M, Prompt Fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-25 01:36:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17111972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spaceorphan/pseuds/spaceorphan
Summary: Santana takes Kurt to a bar and texts Blaine the results.





	One Drunken Night

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt from @chasingckerouac 
> 
> Prompt: Kurt was out with Santana and they got a little drunk and a little... confrontational in a bar. Blaine is called in to collect his husband.

9:02pm: Alright, listen Anderson, I’m stealing your husband for the evening.  If he and Berry think they can really challenge me to a drink off, well then the time has come.  Enjoy your free evening because it is on. 

9:26pm: Okay, he’s sipping on wine and I’ve already kicked back three Jägerbombs.  Enough of this pansy stuff.  I know you know what really gets him off. 

9:27pm: I meant drunk you pervert.  What gets him drunk.  I swear to god, Anderson, please make this evening more interesting.  I will pay you, and keep you updated…  

9:42pm: I don’t know why anyone would willingly drink limoncello but apparently that seems to be working.  He’s beginning to slur his words a little.  And laugh.  A lot.  It’s kinda creepy.  Does he always do this? Berry is making stupid drunk faces and all he is doing is laughing.  It’s not even that funny.  I need more to drink. 

10:13pm:  Apparently after laughing comes singing??  Your husband is at the bar singing Cabaret to the bartender.  Oh - and now he’s on the bar.  You taught him this, didn’t you?

10:16pm: And now he’s singing Beyonce.  I think I need to get this on tape later for blackmail.  

10:17pm: Damn, Anderson, your husband may only know three dance moves, but god can he move those hips. 

10:18pm: NOPE! Stop! I swear to god, if you ever text me something like that again…. 

10:25pm: Aaaaannnd by suggestion, and that would be my suggestion, he is now singing ‘I’m too Sexy’.  Well.  I guess he knows four dance moves.  And, oh, there goes the shirt.  Yay!  **clappy hands**

10:34pm: Alright, things have settled down now.  You’re lucky, Blaine, your hubby had to beat off three guys and a woman after that little showcase.  He has, however, secured more drinks.  I’ll have to admit, I’ve never gotten this far, usually this is this the part where you take babyface gay home for the night.  I’m curious as to what happens next. 

10:47pm: Oh this is good.

10:49pm: Delightful even.

10:51pm: That’s right - I want all the secrets now… 

10:54pm: Things I have learned in the last twenty minutes… Berry has four tattoos.  And hubby didn’t know that and, like, screamed his head off for about five minutes.  Seriously, though, that secret is so lame.  In fact, all of Berry’s secrets are lame.  She once stole gold star stickers from Walmart.  Wow, she’s so wild! 

10:55pm: Hubby, however, sure has some interesting things though…  Kurt, however, has a rainbow colored dildo?  And the two of you like to roleplay - why doesn’t that surprise me.  Let’s see - oh, but my favorite is that he is open to a threesome, and you’ve suggested you want to try with a woman.  Just to see??? 

10:56pm: C’mon, Anderson.  You know my wife has wanted to try with you guys forever.  I wonder how drunk I can get Kurt so he’ll agree…  You know you want to know… 

10:59pm: Oh, and apparently you have birthmark shaped like Italy on your ass.  **crying emoji** You literally have a boot on your booty.  Can you send me a pic of that? Does Kurt have a pic of that on his phone?  I need to see that…. 

11:06pm: So, hubby apparently has a problem.  I have stolen his phone and I see no butt photos.  He likes ass right? I’m incredibly disappointed.  He also has way too many photos of dogs in hats.  And old people.  Why doe she have so many pictures of old people on his phone? They’re not even interesting photos of old people.  They’re just old.  

11:07pm: Okay, so I changed hubby’s facebook status to: If my husband was an ice cream flavor, I’d be a diabetic.  

11:08pm: Yes, I crack myself up. 

11:21pm: Apparently, secret time was over and we had to sing more.  Maybe singing isn’t so bad.  I don’t know.  However - enjoy my video of the three of us singing Toto’s Africa with some bald guy who decided to play the bongos.  I think we should go on tour. 

11:32pm: Aannnnd, we’ve hit the rage place.  I mean, I know I get hysterical over the dumbest things.  But seriously? Who gets mad because Nicole Kidman wore eggyoke yellow on the red carpet? YOUR WEIRD ASS HUSBAND! 

11:34pm: Who gets the Oscar for most melodramatic telling of a lameass story about how the cheesecake was ten minutes late? I swear, he’s giving Meryl Streep a run for her money.  I’m pretty sure I can get ole Meryl so she can play him in the biopic.  

11:35pm: Do you think your hot brother should play you?

11:36pm: Okay, it’s settled, hubby agrees, your hot brother and Meryl Streep are playing you guys in the movie!  

11:41pm: Baby gayface and hagberry are writing the worst movie now - it’s like if Nicholas Sparks and Nora Ephron got together and vomited up the world’s lamest movie.  At least have some explosions in there somewhere among all the lameass musical numbers.  God, this is the worst. 

12:01am:  Shit.  

12:02am: Shit shit shit shit shit.  

12:03: this is the fucking worst.

12:04: Do you know what happened to your favorite mug? the one with the stupid joke about holding you because youre a fermata? Weeeeellll kurt broke the damn mug and he’s spent the last twenty minutes sobbing about how he cant get it glued back together and its going to be broken forever and what if thats a metaphor for something in your relationship even though your relationship has been roses and daisies and gay rainbow unicorns for years and he cant find a new mug and he doesnt want to tell you but now he doesnt have to because i have and this IS THE WORST BLAINE DRUNK KURT IS NO LONGER FUN HOW MUCH LONGER DO I HAVE TO ENDURE THE CRYING????!!!!

12:12am: I thought the mug story was bad.  and now hubby is crying about how beautiful you are and your love is like this epic love story and remember the time you guys met on the stairs.  REMEMBER THE FUCKING STAIRS BLAINE BECAUSE KURT SURE DOES HE WONT SHUT UP ABOUT THE FUCKING STAIRS AND HE WONT STOP CRYING AND I TAKE IT BACK ID RATHER TALK ABOUT BROKEN MUGS I CANT HANDLE THIS EPIC LOVE STORY SHIT

12:18am: And now hes sobbing his way through some god awful whitney houston song.  you win - please come get him.  please PLEASE!!! 

12:24am: BLAINE WHERE ARE YOU - YOU SHORT LITTLE BOWTIE WEARING KINKY ASS FREAK GET OVER HERE AND PRY YOUR HUSBAND OFF MY SHOULDER

12:26am: oh and when you get here - will you sing to me your special version of i’m a little teapot? ;) 

1:06am: Thanks for letting me borrow your husband for the night, Anderson.  Next time it’s your turn. ;) ;) <3 <3 


End file.
